I'm Way More Queer Than You Think | 'Rise Up: Stonewall and the LGBTQ Rights Movement'
Dear Straight People,
I have a bone to pick with you. Don’t worry, ultimately, we’re cool, but I feel like there’s something you’ve been missing about me and a lot of other LGBTQIA+ people out there. Now, when I get into it, you might be inclined to think, “But I’m not one of THOSE straight people!” and you might want to unpack that.
See, the “problem” is that I am radically queer. Like, a level of queer that parents don’t wish on their children. A level of queer that I tone down before I leave the house when I really just want to have my cake, he/they pronouns, lipstick, and eat it, too... eat the cake, not the lipstick. Just clarifying. But I tone it down for one primary reason: my own safety. You’d think that I wouldn’t have to do that inside of Seattle, the LGBTQIA+ haven, but there are still a lot of hate crimes here from nightclubs/bars getting set on fire to individuals being brutally attacked.
A look inside MoPOP's 'Rise Up: Stonewall and the LGBTQ Rights Movement' exhibition open through September 12, 2021
Let’s be perfectly blunt, I’ve had complete strangers yell slurs at me as I’ve been walking down the street and it makes me angry. Livid. Do you know why? Because they’re judging me based on the small amount of visual data they have rather than the years of training, personal growth, and experience that I have that make me all of those slurs. They’re judging me on the toned-down version of who I am and it’s so heartbreaking that I would sob if I could breathe with this damnable binder (that’s partially a joke, cisgender people).
When they call me a “freak,” they don’t know that I’ve spent years learning sideshow stunts like fire eating and blockhead. They don’t know that I’ve cultivated a mentorship with an original Jim Rose Circus performer. Or that I have an entire thigh dedicated to tattoos of old school movie monsters like Nosferatu and Frankenstein. They see my stretched ears, masculine clothing, or tattoos and suddenly I’m a “freak.” No, I’ve been practicing since I was 10. Catch up.
And when they call me a “queer,” it’s almost comical because I label myself a “queer queer.” This term is not universal for the LGBTQIA+ community but, as an individual, I love it because it’s vague enough to accommodate the fact that my gender and sexuality have different flavors dependent on my mood, environment, and the people I’m interacting with. If you were to see my reaction when this happens, you might laugh at how confused I look. As if I’m about to say, “Yes, that’s me, are you lost?” No, they’re not, they just see someone that doesn’t fit into their norms.
A look inside MoPOP's 'Rise Up: Stonewall and the LGBTQ Rights Movement' exhibition open through September 12, 2021
I have more examples, but you get the idea. Part of the problem is that there’s this concept that LGBTQIA+ people are exactly the same as straight people, that we’re just “regular Joes” or whatever. That all we want is to assimilate into mainstream cisgender/heteronormative culture... and that’s just not true for so many LGBTQIA+ individuals. There are plenty of people that want to fit into that culture and that’s fine! All power to them! But for others, that sounds like a form of death.
A lot of us grew up in situations that weren’t healthy or accepting of us, so we learned to be hard, soft, badass, and often radically loving. We created intentional communities of like-minded people and taught each other codes to be able to signal safe environments. We also had to question the fundamental norms of society because we don’t fit in to them. We’ve had to deeply and critically analyze who we are as humans and eventually conclude that this is who we are and who we want to be.
So, when I get othered because of the way that I look even when I’m trying to present as “normal” as possible, it only makes me want to get weirder with it. Don’t like my neutral button-up shirts? Fine. They’re going neon. And my natural color, standard masculine haircut? How about a teal mullet? Oh, and my gender expression as a transmasculine individual will go off the rails in a heartbeat. Please try me, because I am so over trying to fit into the norms that are not meant for me.
A look inside MoPOP's 'Rise Up: Stonewall and the LGBTQ Rights Movement' exhibition open through September 12, 2021
That all said, you should go check out Rise Up: Stonewall and the LGBTQ Rights Movement. It’s full of people that have said and done things that are very similar to what I’ve just been explaining. People who got to a point of saying, “This isn’t working anymore,” and took steps to change it.
With love,
One MoPOP queer that is so over all of it.
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